


Lust or Love

by annetta23



Category: Football RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Bromance to Romance, Gay Sex, Hurt No Comfort, Liverpool, Liverpool F.C., M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-07-19 04:20:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7344664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annetta23/pseuds/annetta23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Instagram posts and heated fanfics brought lust to best friends/Liverpool/ England teammates, Jordan Henderson and Adam Lallana. But what about love? And the fact that they are straight?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"OK guys, last question and this is for both of you,"

Hendo raised and eyebrow. He had been sitting together with Adam for FA TV YouTube channel's quiz, taking turns answering questions about each other that would show if they did know their roommate/ teammate well. The interviewer gave off this funny look, so maybe he's about to ask something embarrassing like who farted the most, or which lost the most five-a-sides.

The interviewer handed them an iPad with some pictures on the screen.

"What do you say about your fans doing this?"

Displayed was a collaged Instagram post of their their photos, when they're posing together. Whether from trainings, bus trip when they sat next to each other, a walk in Paris on vacation, to the screen capture of them doing a post match interview together. Jordan noticed how they always had a great time together, and they're always so smiley. But it's not until he saw the hashtags that Jordan laughed uncontrollably.

"A bromance! Yeah, they tag me these stuff on Insta. You got one of these too as well, no?”

Adam giggled softly, and responded in his usual small voice, "That's so lovely of them actually."

"You guys know that there are also fanfics about you two?"

Both Hendo and Adam shook their heads. But Jordan could tell it must be something crazy.

"What is a fanfic?"

"Short for fanfiction," the interviewer said. "Stories made by fans about their idols, or favorite famous people, but they put their own twists there."

"So what's the twist with me and Adam?" Jordan asked again enthusiastically. This was new for him.

"Well, there are stories when you guys snogging in the changing room, or being a real, sexually active couple off pitch."

Jordan dropped his jaw and he's sure Adam did too. These fans were crazy. Growing up Jordan wanted to be a pro footballer, turned out he had become an object of fantasies as well. _Ha_. He would Google this fanfic thingy tonight before bed.

"What do you say about that?" Asked the interviewer that's basically laughing with them now.

"Well I guess...lets just say they have such vast creativity,"

"Lallana?" the interviewer moved to Adam. Hendo looked over to his lanky friend. He's always so shy, always so very soft-spoken. Jordan bet Adam would just shake his head again to this one. But lo and behold, Jordan felt a funny feeling in his stomach when his roommate answered,

"Snogging a teammate...It’s Hendo,  right? I wouldn’t mind, he’d treat me right,”

Then Adam just blushing adorably, and Jordan felt like fainting. _What the hell does that mean?_


	2. Chapter 2

The thought of being a couple with Adam still haunting Jordan’s head. He might be stupid to give any damn about the whole cheesy, naughty, girly thought of their fans. Teen girls with imaginations; of course if it’s possible they’d want the whole squad to be fuck buddies. Jordan chuckled under the hot shower; the thought of Sakho and Flano being one was totally hysterical.

_But me and Adam?_

Jordan’s back felt tense all of a sudden. Being as close as they were, never even once he thought of Adam in a sexual way. Let alone Adam, he never even thought about guys! So now Jordan felt like a total stranger when he found himself being...somewhat...excited about the fantasy.

The way Adam blushed like a high school girl during that interview, was totally distracting. _Why you had to be that adorable?_ Jordan reached down, fisting his suddenly hard, needy cock and slowly pumping it.  

_“Snogging a teammate? I mean...It’s Hendo, right? I wouldn’t mind; he’d treat me right,”_

Jordan moaned and rested his back to the wall. It really hit him how Adam just declared that Jordan Henderson could snog him, and Jordan Henderson only. _Hell yeah I’d treat you so right_ , Jordan said to himself as he thought of cornering Adam in the locker room, and pushed his tounge down the boy’s throat.

Jordan bucked his hips frantically. He was so close. So damn close, when he finally heard Adam screaming out his name.

“Jordan!”

 _Fuck_. It felt like Adam was reaching orgasm along with him. Jordan growled as he shot multiple white ropes to the running water, and tried to get his balance back desperately. Soon he realized that Adam had not stopped calling out for him from the bedroom.

“Jordan! Come here,”

“Coming!” Jordan snatched his towel and wrapped himself. _I am literally coming._

 

Back in the bedroom, Adam was lying in bed already in his sleeping attire, a well-worn tee and sweatpants, giggling to his phone. When he noticed that Jordan was coming, he smiled sweetly and patted the empty spot next to him.

“Jordan, I found it,”

“Found what?”

Jordan joined Adam in his bed, hoping Adam had no idea what happened in the bathroom just 30 seconds ago. _What could make this boy seem so pumped?_ Jordan tilted his head and saw what’s on the phone screen.

“Is that the fanfic thingy?”

Adam laughed and nodded.

“Now listen to this; this one is bananas,”

_The first Euro lost England team suffered hit Lallana hard. He refused to leave the bed the following morning, just lying with his eyes wandering pointlessly around the square room. Hours went by, and finally life got back to Lallana’s eyes, as Jordan returned from England press duty. They were snuggling all through the day, and ended up lazy fucking as the evening approached._

 

It was too late for Jordan to cover the sudden bulge in the middle of his towel skirt. _Shit_...he shouldn’t be turned on (again) by his own best bud, right in front of his face. Jordan held his package that just made Adam bursting with laugh.

“Sorry,” Jordan muttered like a fool. Adam just shrugged, still with a big smile on his face.

“Lazy fucking, she said. Imagine that, Hendo,” Adam giggled, putting down his phone. “That’s so dirty,”

“Yeah...and tempting,” Jordan said, totally surprising himself. Adam stared at him, biting his bottom lip innocently as he did so, and Jordan just wanted to pull him down to a deep kiss and torture those lips. Maybe it’s time to find out.

“Were you serious about me snogging you?”

“Hmm?” Adam blinked.

“You’re okay with me...taking care of you?”

“Umm...”

Adam bit his lip again, and Jordan just lost it. Lip biting Adam was too  cute and seductive it should be illegal. Jordan put his hand behind Adam’s fluffy honey colored hair and pulled him down to meet his kiss. It’s a testing-the-water type of kiss, and Jordan really wanted to be gentle. As their lips met, Jordan only put a little pressure, and held it a few seconds; no tongue involved. By this time, if Adam turned out to not being on the same page with him, he could just push Jordan right away. But any rejection didn’t come, so Jordan deepened out the kiss, until Adam was down on his back and Jordan naturally landed on top of him.

Adam moaned to Jordan’s mouth, and Jordan couldn’t be too gentle anymore. He let his tongue involved, and his hands had slipped under Adam’s shirt. Fondling, scratching, triggering more sensual, strange voices out of Adam that Jordan never heard before. God, did he taste and sound sweet.

The kiss was ended reluctantly as they both running out of breath. Adam had turned topless, and Jordan was literally naked because all the movements had made his towel unwrapping it’s loose knot by itself, and ended up being kicked to the far end of the bed. Jordan gritted his teeth. His cock was leaking a pool of precum to Adam's belly. Jordan looked down to Adam’s eyes, and he saw held desire there in that brown eyes.

_What do we do now?_

 


	3. Chapter 3

_Think, Jordan, THINK. What would you do when a sexy man is lying under you?_ Oh right, he’s straight. So he couldn’t answer that. And plus, the sight of Adam’s swollen, freshly kissed mouth had made him brainless. So back to square one. _What do we do?_

“Adam, what do we do now?” Jordan scoffed, finally giving up thinking on his own. He looked down to Adam, that didn’t even look bothered at all. How could he be so chill about this?

“Hey,” Adam rested his palm on Jordan’s cheek, and Jordan felt his stomach tingling. “Why don’t we do the thinking and talking later...and just, you know...?”

Adam took Jordan’s hand and led it down, then pressed it down to his crotch. Oh my god, what happened to sweet Adam? Jordan wouldn’t have it differently, though.

“Just what? Just let me have it my way?" Jordan teased. His full hand squeezed lightly and Adam gasped for air.

“Oh! Yeah...”

“Should we take this pants off?”

“Jordan,” Adam moaned helplessly. “Stop teasing, please...”

“God, Adam,” Jordan gulped. “You don’t have to beg,”

And Jordan shouldn't be too nervous either. He got Adam's approval; he wanted this just as much. Jordan kept his eye contact with Adam, as he scooted down and slowly pulling down Adam's sweatpants. Jordan threw it away and his eyes just went straight to Adam's tight, grey boxer briefs. A dark spot right under the waistband was calling for him.

Maybe it's natural instinct, or maybe simply an act of pure lust. But Jordan didn't think twice when he put his pout around Adam's pre-cum stain, and suck the damped spot along with the sensitive head beneath it. Adam's body twitched, and Jordan felt really sorry. This was just a beginning.

Jordan spent a good minute sucking Adam over his brief while feeling up his thigh, before he could no longer help to get his buddy totally naked. In one smooth move, Adam was butt naked and Jordan praised the lord. He went straight to the cock, hold it comfortably inside his fist and began to jerk it. His other hand reached down and cupped Adam's smooth ass cheek, sending shivers through Adam's lean body.

Jordan looked up, checking on Adam. He's gonna do it. This might change everything between them but there's no turning back now.

Jordan pressed his lips to Adam's head. He thought he would feel disgusted and backed off, but that was just not the case. The musky smell was so intoxicating, as Jordan kissed a penis for the first time in his life. He opened his mouth as wide as he could, and pushed the whole shaft down his throat, until his nose hit Adam's soft pubes. Holy fuck, he's a natural cock sucker.

"Oh god," Adam moaned like a girl. Jordan let out a muffled laugh and continued working his mouth. He pressed his lips as tight as he could, feeling every twitches and every vein of Adam's cock, and bobbed his head up and down, slowly building up the pace with every suction. Every now and then he would look up, and each time Adam would look more and more pathetically in pain. Definitely a good kind of pain.

After a few minutes, Jordan felt Adam's hands around his head, forcing him to look up.

"I wanna suck you too,"

"Usually I wouldn't say no, but I was just about to get you to sit on my face," Jordan winked. Adam failed to catch the playfulness though.

"But...I wanna suck you," he whined. Was that a real pissed look on his face?

"You want this?" Jordan offered in an awkward deep voice, holding the base of his pathetic, leaking cock. Adam nodded, staring at the flushed meat with such hunger.

"Say it. I wanna hear it," Jordan muttered. Adam did his lethal lip biting, and softly whispered the magic line.

"I wanna suck your cock, please. Please,"

At this point Jordan was so afraid that he would rape Adam's mouth. He told Adam to lay on his back, as he climbed and positioned his crotch over Adam's face. Shit, did this look hot or what? _Don't mouth fuck him. Don't hurt him._

Just like him earlier, Adam started a bit hesitant at first. Few little licks, before he took the whole thing in. Jordan swore like a sailor when Adam sucked on his balls, moving them around in his mouth. Getting his balls sucked was officially Jordan's new favorite thing other than football, Nike apparels and Adam's lip biting. It felt soo good it was surreal.

_How would fucking his ass feel?_

"Adam, turn around now," Jordan back to his pending wish. "Let me see that ass,"

"Ummh...are you gonna...?"

Adam didn't have to finish but Jordan knew what he's talking about.

"I'll let you decide on that, okay? I'll only do what you agree to do."

 

And it turned out that Adam wanted to do everything. Jordan tongue fucked him, that later involved few fingers that lead to dry humping. Adam was literally tearing up when Jordan said they had no condoms, only to find that Jordan was joking.

What Jordan thought as a potential fooling around turned out to be much more than that. He felt like spending the first day of honeymoon with a priest daughter, when he entered Adam and did his official first gay sex. He whispered sweet nothings to Adam's ear with the first thrust, and lend his shoulder for Adam to bite on when they reached orgasm. It was obvious that Jordan was the dom top, and Adam was the delicate sub.

"You okay?" Jordan patted Adam's wet hair as they finished washing up. Yes, Adam looked content, but also a bit shaken. He smiled in return still, and that was reassuring enough for Jordan.

"I'm great. I think we better sleep now," Adam said in his sleepy voice, eyes already half closed once he hit his exceptionally messy bed. Jordan affectionately pinched Adam's cheek before hopping on to his own bed across the room. He long stared in to the darkness, trying to overcome the mixed feelings in his chest.

There's no way that he and Adam were just buddies now. Fuck buddies? A couple? Or were they just experimenting, and let the fanfic's fantasy got the best of them? It remained a mystery as Jordan slowly drifted to sleep, not knowing that further into the midnight, Adam was sobbing to his pillow across the room. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for me to update. Life just happened but I'll never ever leave stories unfinished!  
> Thanks everyone for the comments. And by the way have you gone cray over this recent pic?!

 

 

“Jordan Brian Henderson...Staring at people is rude,”

 

Jordan turned his head to the other side of the elevator, but it was too late. Shit. Why couldn’t he stop checking Adam out?

“I’m not staring, Lallana,” Jordan mockingly punched his buddy by the arm. “Just looking around,”

“Oh really?” Adam giggled, poking on Jordan’s belly . “You been  staring at me like I’m a hot banana muffin. With a hot, runny, chocolate filling.”

 

_You have no idea._

 

“You are.”

Jordan stepped closer, closing the little gap between him and Adam in that empty elevator down. “You are that yummy. Last night is proof.”

 _Where did that come from?_ Jordan had no idea since when he became cheesy and flirty...with his own best friend. Guess last night changed things up. Jordan looked down, to the stunned looking Adam. He looked so young sometimes it’s scary.

“Are you sore from last night?” Jordan asked with a real concern. Adam squinted his eyes, taking a little bit too long of a pause before smiled comfortingly at his friend.

“Just a little.”

“Aww...I’m sorry,”

“Oh I’m not,”

Before Jordan could say anything, the elevator door opened and Adam walked away, humming something probably from Daniel Sturridge’s playlist. Jordan could’t believe his ears and eyes. He guessed it’s one thing that he could be flirty. The other lads wouldn’t find it weird. But a flirty, naughty-tongued Adam Lallana? _Like, really?_ That’s like Philippe Coutinho suddenly could speak perfect Scouse.

 

Distracted. Hot. Horny. Confused. Jordan felt his energy was just used in a wrong way during the training. He would look around the field every five minutes, or even less, just to check on Adam. Sometimes the view made him smile, like when Adam was smiling on Hodgson’s old man joke. Or he would feel funny in the stomach when Adam growled over a miss shot, or  when he didn’t sprint as fast as he’d like.  The best of course when Adam was looking at him as well, and shot Jordan one of his shy smiles.

That, was what happened within long distance. The vibe was even more frustrating when they’re standing next to each other, Jordan felt like throwing balls at Raheem’s smug face. Whenever a part of his body brushed something of Adam, it’d send him weird shivers. Even worse, brought Jordan the bits of last night’s wild hours. There, on the pitch in the middle of sunny France, Jordan almost got hard as he tried to push away the memories of how he kissed Adam. The way Adam moaned, both in pain and pleasure. Adam’s teeth on his shoulder. And of course when he popped Adam’s cherry.

“Good lord,” Jordan growled as he stood off the bench. Definitely startling Harry Kane next to him, and Dele and Eric Dier as well. Adam already saw him coming from afar.

“What’s wrong, Jordan?” Adam frowned. “You okay, mate?”

“No, I’m not,” Jordan whispered. He hoped he had whisper low enough. “It’s still early and I feel like fucking you in that small meeting room. Meet me there after the session’s done.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**A Month Later**

_These adorable monkeys. They look so happy._

 Adam traced the outline of Dele Alli's and Eric Dier's faces on his phone. Looking at them on his Instagram feed these days always made him somewhat sappy. Eric was a real fucker, but when his boyfriend was around, that smug face he always carried around would turn to a loving stare. 

And Dele? He simply wouldn't function without Eric. Adam remembered during Euro, guaranteed, there would be something happen if Somehow Dele failed to sit next to Eric for meals, or when they had to do promotional stuff separately. He would be the most uncool black man ever, and uncool Dele was so impossible to deal with.

"Lucky lads," Adam mumbled, shoving his phone back to his pocket. He got so lost in his own thoughts, the gym was almost empty beside little Coutinho throwing punches in the corner, and Emre Can working on of the the bikes. Everyone was working so hard for the upcoming Arsenal opener, and here Adam feeling all mellow and somewhat jealous over a gay couple . He couldn't be anymore pathetic than this.

_What do you want, Lallana? Holding hands with Jordan, calling him love in front of the world?_

Adam saw it coming. Somewhere along the line, he knew his weak, sentimental little heart would be broken by his own feelings. The first danger alert was when he couldn't hold the tears for being left sleeping alone, after the night that started everything a month a go. He vividly remembered being shaky and in pain, but the soothing cuddles never came from Jordan.  

Jordan had gotten better, though. Now they would spoon most of the time after sex, but was that even the deal now? No. Sadly no. Adam pulled his hair in fists, realizing what he had dragged his heart into.

_I've fallen in love with you, Jordan. Am I in this alone?_

" _Amigo_? You sick?" 

Adam looked up to Coutinho's little sweat-dripping mug. He might be dying for a cold  shower now, but he seemed sincerely concerned.

"I am okay, Phil." Adam spoke perfect English that everyone would use strictly with Coutinho. "Emre's gone already? Let's join him in the shower then,"

"No. No, no, no," Phil pulled Adam back to his seat. "You look...trouble? Troubled?"

" _Si_ , troubled," Adam scoffed. "You will be troubled when you are in love with someone whose only in lust with you, Philippe. But I am sure, blessed you, you never have to know what that feels like."

"Hmm...a moment," Phil looked deep in his thought. Maybe his Brazilian head was doing it's translating duty. "So...you are in love, but she no love you back?"

_The moment of truth._

"Well, Philly," Adam smiled. " _He_  doesn't love me back."

 

It’s pretty fair to say that James Millner was Jordan’s best friend other than Adam. Actually Milly was more reliable to talk about serious matters and touchy subjects. Jordan had been thinking about telling what had been happening with him and Adam to his Liverpool’s vice captain, and now, them being all alone at Melwood’s recreation room, Jordan couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Milly, promise me this stays between us.”

Milly raised an eyebrow. “Shoot me.”

 “So...I’ve been... having sex with Adam. And I like it. I’m like, addicted to it, actually,”

Jordan grinned. He was so prepared if Milly screamed or jumped off of his seat, but he remained still, calm and composed. Actually Milly didn’t even move a bit, until he was nodding slowly with the most flat expression ever.

“You’re not surprised? Shocked? Annoyed?”  Jordan demanded, somewhat disappointed but also thought he should never expect Milly to be dramatic. He was just not tailored that way.

“Well, what do you expect?” Milly waved nonchalantly. “You guys are always together like a pair of boobs.”

Jordan laughed. Why a pair of boobs, though? A pair of balls would be more relevant. Whatever.

“For someone that just found out he’s gay, you look pretty...fine,”

 _Am I gay now?_ Jordan got lost in his thought again. If he’s gay...should he start listening to Katy Perry now? But if he was, how come he never thought of other guys? His current preference in general , just didn’t seem enough to label him as gay.

 “Have you talked about this with Adam?” James asked, totally turning his body towards Jordan now, as if the coversation wasn’t as important before. “Or...have you seen the way he’s looking at you lately?”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, Hendo,” Milly rolled his eyes, and Jordan felt like an idiot. “Your confession just validated something I thought I was seeing. Well, apparently there really is something with you two. But you need to be more attentive. Adam Lallana that I know? I don’t think he would settle with ‘fuck buddies’.”

 

 _Fuck Milly_. Jordan loved the man like a brother to death, but maybe he shouldn’t had said anything. Now Jordan was stretching his brain, trying to recall any moment if Adam had signalled something about not liking their current situation. Along Euro weeks, or now back in Liverpool. No, he couldn’t spot any.

_Well, what does Milly know? He could be dead wrong._

Jordan headed to the gym, where Emre said Adam was at, and he would see with his own eyes the usual Adam. Sweet and all smile, especially now Jordan would drive him home.

But the gym seemed quiet from outside, Jordan almost leaving without even getting in but decided he’d take a look. He pushed the heavy double door, and as expected it was empty. Just right before Jordan turned his body, he could hear a faint conversation coming from his north side. Yeah, he totally forgotten there was another part of the gym behind the wall.

“You sure he don’t love you? Why he sleep with you then? Right?”

_Coutinho?_

Overhearing a private chat was so impolite but there’s no way Jordan would leave now. Especially after he just heard Adam’s held sobbing. His chest was aching knowing that Adam was crying behind this wall.

“Because he lust me?” Adam laughed bitterly. “I wish we could cuddle more. More cuddling, more kissing...That’s how I know this love is not mutual, Philly. Me and Jordan, we want different things.”

Jordan tip-toeing to the door and left in silence. He felt guilty for overhearing the conversation. But if he never got in to the gym, how the hell he would know any of that? The truth was, Adam had been a martyr. All those times he tried to deep-throat, maybe he wanted to be kissed instead of being choked by a cock. Adam seemed to enjoy everytime he got spanked. Who knew if deep down he’s aching for a simple cuddle?

_It’s Hendo,  right? I wouldn’t mind, he’d treat me right,_

“Oh god, Ad,” Jordan shuddered as the memory from France struck him. Maybe Adam had loved him all along, but as Milly said, Jordan was an inattentive fuck.

Jordan didn’t want to lose Adam. But could he give Adam what the lad really wanted from him? Could he be the sweet, cuddle-y boyfriend for Adam?

_What if I only have lust for you, Ad?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe a couple more chapters and this series will be done :)  
> Thanks guys for waiting and reading, hope you enjoyed this somewhat bitter update! :p


	6. Chapter 6

Jordan hesitated for a moment, but then took off his shoes and laid next to Adam whose asleep peacefully not even an arm length from him. They had done everything that involved heavy body contact the past month, but this moment of silence in particular got Jordan’s heart beating faster. Why, though?

_Too romantic? Or you feel guilty_ _still?_

Jordan was crushed when Adam hopped into his car earlier. Smiling, with an obvious swollen face and red nose.

“Weird weather,” he said when Jordan asked casually. “I think I just caught flu!”

A flu from crying for having your heart broken. Jordan knew the truth better, but how could he explain? It’s not like he had good things to say to console Adam. Not when his own feelings were still all over the place.

Would he bother to carry other good friends to their bed when they fell asleep? Would he feel this uneasy for not loving back someone else?

A slight movement below him caught Jordan’s eye. Adam’s fingers jerked lightly, and Jordan looked into Adam’s eyes right when they flicked open. He must be confused. Or maybe still dizzy from all the tears he cried like an hour ago.

“I fell asleep, didn’t I?” Adam asked in a raspy voice. “Did you carry me here?”

“All the way,” Jordan smiled. “You and your heavy ass.”

Adam chuckled, and Jordan mentally praised the lord for that little gesture. At least he knew that one was not fake; there was a real twinkle in Ad’s eyes.

The room was back to silence. Adam's brown eyes were the only focus of Jordan's senses . They said, such silence was the sign of chemistry, but maybe that’d be too romantic to describe the current state. There’s an elephant in the room; unspoken, unsettled feelings and questions. But no one knew how to address it, it’s painfully frustrating.

A minute had passed when finally Adam called Jordan’s name.

“Jordan,”

“Yeah, mate?”

“I think...your next girlfriend, or boyfriend...will be so lucky to have you,” Jordan’s voice grew small. He sounded defeated. “I really do.”

And with that, Adam drifted back to sleep, leaving Jordan with his thoughts and an uneasy tug in his chest.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

The Emirates’ sky lit bright red with Liverpool shawls thrown to the sky, just as bright as Adam’s face as he scored his first goal of the season. It’s 2-1 for the guest now. The Liverpool lads ran after Adam, and Jordan made sure he’s the one getting there first.

It’s the day. Lust or love, Jordan had decided he would be in one today. He didn’t want to feel guilt anymore everytime he looked at Adam, but more importantly, he finally understood his feelings. When all the other lads’ mugs went blur in his eyes, yet Adam was so present, Jordan understood. When this happened so many times before,  he thought he’s just caring for a friend, constantly looking after a buddy, a teammate. Then came Euro, and it was fired with challenged lust, curiosity, and maybe the first sparks of true feelings.

But now looking at Adam celebrating with Coutinho for their collaborative work, Jordan knew. He knew the meaning of the tug in his chest. He’s aware that it’s his need, screaming for someone whose been there all along.

_I’m not loosing you, Ad._

Pinched between Klavan and Firmino, Jordan reached out and hugged Adam’s neck from behind. Nervous, desperate...and in love. Perhaps this was what Stevie felt as well years ago in Istanbul?

“Good job, mate. That was good,” Jordan breathed harshly to Adam’s cheek, chest bursting with many different feelings he couldn’t describe. He felt like exploding to little pieces as his lips touched Adam’s briefly yet passionately.

But Adam didn’t smile like Xabi did.

 

**

_Where is he? Where the hell is he?_

The lads were celebrating their first win, but Jordan couldn’t feel the euphoria. Adam was not seen everywhere. Jordan felt his heart beating so fast and somehow he wanted to blame it on Sturridge’s dancing. On the high pitched Portuguese spoken somewhere in the room. And even on his surprise  kiss.

_Was that kiss selfish and damaging?_

Away from the world, Jordan found Adam in the showers, sitting on the cold tile against his locker. Adam noticed the sudden appearance, but didn’t say anything. He might get kicked out later, but Jordan joined his friend by the floor. They got to talk, and there’s no way he’d wait three hours of a bus ride back to Anfield for that.

“Are you okay?” Jordan muttered. Pretty stupid, but for lack of better words hopefully that was not a bad opening.

Adam inhaled and exhaled heavily. Signs of frustration. Jordan felt bad for all the burden he had caused. It’s about to stop now, and that's a vow.

“Is confused okay?” Adam scoffed. “If that kiss wasn’t a prank, I don’t know what that would be.”

“That would be stupid me,” Jordan took Adam’s hand, “Saying ‘I love you’ because I can’t wait til we’re home to say it properly. I just can’t.”

 

Adam tried to pull his hand, most likely to cover his mouth in shock. But Jordan held it tight in his fist.

“Jordan, don’t play with me...” Adam whispered, tears started forming in his eyes.

“I am not playing with you. And I never meant to.” Jordan kissed the trembling hand in his big palm. “Be with me, Ad.”

The wait was killing Jordan. Adam looked at his hand, not saying anything. His head must be in a haywire, but hopefully not in doubt.

“Jordan, I’ll be a super high-maintenanced boyfriend,” Adam wiped a tear with his finger. “I’ll need a lot of kiss and hug...If you’re not used to that...”

“You’ll be there to help me.” Jordan pulled Adam in, and kissed all his tears dry. “Yeah? You just have to remind me. Gosh this will be so cheesy, but I’ll do whatever to make you happy, Ad, I promise. Be with me.”

That last line, it’s more of a wish rather than anything else. Jordan might had heard Adam saying he’s in love with Jordan Henderson, but anything could happen, right? People changed their minds. Feelings altered. So when Adam hugged his neck tightly, Jordan was not sure if he should be in fear or bliss.

“So? Lallana, I’m not a mind reader,”

“You’re not, silly,” A wet peck landed on Jordan’s neck. “You’re my boyfriend. And you’ll be there when paparazzi starts popping on my window,”

“Or when the FA sends us a letter. Fuck yeah I’ll be with you. ”

 

Jordan felt like crying. He’s totally winning today.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! Thank you so much to all of you loyal readers :*  
> See you on next stories~


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